So many feelings...

I don't even know where to begin...

I guess I kind of went on a not-really a date yesterday? I mean we did visit the Griffith Observatory and like it was sort of romantic with couples all around us. I'm pretty sure he tried to make a couple moves the whole night & offered to pay for dinner. 

But the thing is...

It's not him, it's ME.

I mean I know it's a common phrase and everything, but really it is! He's a nice guy and I'm sure he did everything right. It's just that, I don't go for nice guys. Which really is my problem. I know the person is up to know good and we're bad for each other but it's like the hope that one day things change that keeps me going. Is it weird? Maybe.

Also, I guess I AM kind of leading him on? But attention is nice... for a change. It's weird because he accepts me... as me? Like the whole package. Weirdness and all. And I know I'm odd at times and it puts off a lot of people. But it doesn't seem to scare him off. He sees it as unique and interesting. 

Now I know how CHAIR (Chuck and Blair) shippers feel.

I'm a firm DAIR (Dan and Blair) shipper because THAT'S how a girl is SUPPOSED to be treated. He is SUPPOSED to be head over heels for her, have everything in common, and do everything to get her back. He also accepts who she is as a person, and doesn't try to change her or bring out the worst in her. He challenges her intellectually. He does not take her for granted because he knows she will always be there waiting for him. Yeah I'm hypocrite. I want a Chuck archetype in my life & won't settle for a Dan. I understand everything now.

Yeah, I really need to get a move on with my research stuff. It's like I don't know what to do... too scared. 

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2012: Another Reflection!

Well... unlike last year where I didn't do all that much, 2012 has been truly great to me. As usual, I panicked about school (not getting in anywhere & not passing classes). Which, I guess turned out to be okay. 

Life is weird that way. For as long as I could remember, I've always wanted to go to UCSD. But you know what? I'm at UCLA now & content with it. 

I also went on an incredible 2 month trip to Vietnam. Though, I didn't really do all the things I wanted, it was an amazing experience to venture out on my own and be an independent person for once.  

So let's see what 2011 New Years Resolutions I've accomplished: 

1. Try new things

I guess I did this! New school, new experiences. Met new people. A+ for me!

2. Be healthy

HAHA. no. And also near the end of 2012, I'm pretty sure I had a chronic cough for like 8 weeks. This one never stood a chance.

3. Be the change you want to be

I'm not so sure on this. But I guess in a way I did follow my instincts. However, I'm not quite there yet, because I haven't reached my full potential. I'm still stuck on the "meh" phase. 

So I read somewhere that when you do a New Years Resolution, you are less likely to do it because by telling someone else you already feel enough gratitude to not do it... if that makes sense? Well, I like doing them because then there is a list I can refer back to and just keep it in my mind. 

Thank you 2012. You were great. Here's to hoping 2013 is just as eventful and wonderful!

And my 2013 New Years Resolutions are:

1. Be healthy

How about we just keep this one.. for the sake of keeping this one. Maybe one year I will actually follow through with this. *crosses fingers*

2. Get better grades

Oh wow something school related! Well I didn't do as well as I had hoped to last quarter. Here is to hoping that I do better! 

3. Be more productive/active

Which means.. LAND THOSE RESEARCH PROJECTS & ACTUALLY VOLUNTEER. I know it's a lot of work and I'm beginning to question my career path again. But you never know if you don't try right?

Well that's all for now.. ON WITH THE SHOW!

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Thoughts, Thoughts, Thoughts

I don't even know what to say or how to start this. So I guess I'll respond to my previous blog post. 

Dear past Linda,

Hey girl, thanks for the words of encouragement! I really didn't think I could really get through those moments. I don't think you will ever get rid of that anxiety, it's just who you are. You got into 4/5 colleges you applied to! Good job! And now you're at one of the most prestigious schools in America. So the future isn't all that bad.. except I'm "supposed" to be studying for finals right now. But we both know that we are major procrastinators. 

I'm sorry to say that you're still helping people that don't really need help. But this time it's different, those people are actually helping you back. So I guess it's a fair trade. You're just not as annoyed much by it as before.

Also, sorry again for telling you that I have once again let you down. I did go to like one "party" it was more of a hangout than an actual party. No, you did not get drunk. But to according to other people you got "buzzed," which I would like to concur. I don't think it was that much fun anyways, more for people to socialize. You are awesome.

I wish I still had your confidence in school. I feel like I'm losing it day by day... which it could be because I'm in a super smart school now.  O_O You were so sure of yourself and what you wanted to be and do. And now? I'm not so sure. 

I guess I'll end this by saying thanks.... you made me who I am today.

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A letter to my Future self.

I know I don't update this blog for anything.... But I had an epiphany over my spring break and well... I just had to get it off my chest somehow. And this was the only place I honestly felt "safe?"

So here it goes... This is a letter to my future self!

Dear future Linda,

First of all, I know you're going to be all right. But I can't quite shake the feeling of anxiety right now. But college stuff will all work out in the future... right?

Second of all, don't ever let yourself be used anymore. One of the good things about you is that you are smart. That in itself already impresses the hell out of people. You don't need to actually prove it to them by helping them. They are just using you silly. Help true friends. I know this might be a little hard to distinguish who your true friend is. But honestly, if you have to question it, they probably aren't your friend :p. 

Lastly, you are so lucky to be alive. Don't ever waste it. That means, don't go partying or drink to oblivion. Do you know how many chances there are in life? I know you've always wanted to try it... but it's not worth it! Resist the temptation! Stay pure! Stay awesome!

Most importantly, stay fckin classy Linda Tran. Godspeed.

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2011: A Reflection

Let's be honest for a second here... I didn't really do much in 2011. Nor did I expect much. All I wanted was to get by school. And I did just that. But just for fun, I'm going to refer back to my list of resolutions to see how many I've /almost/ completed. 

1. I will update this blog more.

Clearly, that was a fail from the beginning.

2. Stay off Facebook

I'll give this a 50%. I'm on it when I need to be... or when I'm feeling a stalkerish mood.

3. Meet new people, Make new friends

Hey look! Something that I did do. Yeah, even though they aren't really my "friend friends." I suppose the people in my classes are my acquaintances. I swear whenever I'm friends with someone from my classes, people always think I've been friends with them FOREVER. 

4. Be healthy

This one never stood a chance.

5. Learn more and Read more

YES! DING! I DID THIS. I'm so proud of myself. Well I'm kinda behind on my Wired and Time readings because of finals and stuff. But I'm going to dedicate a day to read them all! No worries. Anyways, I'm currently reading A Storm of Swords by George R.R. Martin. Such a frigging long book.

6. Be the best version of myself that I can be

I don't really know if I can be the judge of this. But, I believe that I really did stay true to my character. Even if I was a total bish towards the end of the year. 

So, here are my NEW 2012 New Years Resolutions:

This year I'm going to keep it short (heh, that's what she said). I think that 2012 is my year for change. 

1. Try new things

In other words, be spontaneous. I mean.. I used to be spontaneous before.. why can't I do it now?

2. Be healthy

Let's just keep this for the sake of keeping this in my mind.

3. Be the change you want to be

In 2011, I was the best person that I could be. Now, I want to take action for the person that I am. I'm sure I can accomplish this once I've done some volunteer work in Vietnam this summer. I'm looking forward to that the most in 2012.

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