So many feelings...

I don't even know where to begin...

I guess I kind of went on a not-really a date yesterday? I mean we did visit the Griffith Observatory and like it was sort of romantic with couples all around us. I'm pretty sure he tried to make a couple moves the whole night & offered to pay for dinner. 

But the thing is...

It's not him, it's ME.

I mean I know it's a common phrase and everything, but really it is! He's a nice guy and I'm sure he did everything right. It's just that, I don't go for nice guys. Which really is my problem. I know the person is up to know good and we're bad for each other but it's like the hope that one day things change that keeps me going. Is it weird? Maybe.

Also, I guess I AM kind of leading him on? But attention is nice... for a change. It's weird because he accepts me... as me? Like the whole package. Weirdness and all. And I know I'm odd at times and it puts off a lot of people. But it doesn't seem to scare him off. He sees it as unique and interesting. 

Now I know how CHAIR (Chuck and Blair) shippers feel.

I'm a firm DAIR (Dan and Blair) shipper because THAT'S how a girl is SUPPOSED to be treated. He is SUPPOSED to be head over heels for her, have everything in common, and do everything to get her back. He also accepts who she is as a person, and doesn't try to change her or bring out the worst in her. He challenges her intellectually. He does not take her for granted because he knows she will always be there waiting for him. Yeah I'm hypocrite. I want a Chuck archetype in my life & won't settle for a Dan. I understand everything now.

Yeah, I really need to get a move on with my research stuff. It's like I don't know what to do... too scared. 

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Baby Don't Cry

So I was listening to the new Big Bang song the other day..

Here you have a listen for yourself too:

It's called Baby Don't Cry. And it kinda got me thinking.

How often are you SUPPOSED to cry?

I think crying is healthy. Keeping all those emotions trapped up isn't really that healthy or good for you. Dr. Linda Tran says crying at least once a month is good! :D

I don't cry as much as I used to. Only because there isn't much to cry about these days. Parents? I don's start anything with them. Heartbreak? There is none.

I can't hold in my tears as good as I used to. Once the thought is in my mind I can't get rid of it. I try to get my attention somewhere else, but it eventually comes back to that thought and I have to let it go.

Is it just me or when people cry it's ugly. LOL I'm sorry if you think you're pretty when you cry... but you aren't.

This is what you want to look like:

This is how you really look:

Nuff said. Now go cry me a river.

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Love..

"It's easier to fall in love, then out of it"

So love huh?
I don't really know why I even need to make a blog post about it. So I kinda feel all lovey dovey all of the sudden.

So do I like anyone?
No. But there is a hope!

Relationships aren't my forte. But I know what I want. But then again, whatever happens happens right? I kinda have this problem where I expect too much and I don't let go.

But there is one thing that I will never let go.

It's the fantasy of him.

Who is he? I don't really know. But I do know out of the billions of people on this earth right now, HE exists. He is the one I dream about at night. He is the one I can see myself with. He is the one that will make me happy.
I have this sick thought that if I believe in him so much, that he will become real.

Time to put my NEW headphones back on. And start studying for my math midterm. 

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SCHOOL AGAIN? BALLS.

Man like I predicted, I DID NOT DO ANYTHING OVER SPRING BREAK...
except for a little reading, beating Pokemon Black, and watching Dream High. Do I have any regrets? NOPE. It was worth it.

SO, Final thoughts on:

Pokemon Black:

It was really fun! The new graphics are amazing. Gameplay is fun... Rotation battles are actually not that bad. Must get it if you like Pokemon at ALL.



Dream High:

It's a typical Korean Drama.. lots of crying. It's like a super dramatic version of Glee. I quite like it. A lot of characters have their own struggles and there's a lot of back story. I guess the acting is better than I expected because most of them are like singers. So yeah. I'm glad I spent like 3 days of my life watching this. No regrets. Read more

SPRING BREAK!

And like I predicted in the previous post... It hasn't even been 24 hours and I'M ALREADY BORED / WASTING MY BREAK. 

I watched BLACK SWAN today. It was pretty good! Very, VERY, intense and sensual. Natalie Portman totally deserved that Oscar.

I also watched 127 HOURS couple days ago. That was also good! Kinda sad, yet inspiring. Go watch it if you haven't yet.

It is becoming a reoccurring theme that I tend to make plans but not carry them out. LOL. It's not my fault I swear! I feel like it's the "polite" thing to do. It's like "hey you wanna hang out next week? sure text me!" But then when they do text me I'm more like. UHH too lazies. *makes up some lame excuse* So yeah, IF I DO GO OUT. (ON THAT RARE OCCASION) consider it a blessing.

I like to go out by myself more. WHY YOU MAY ASK? Because other people are pretty much a liability. I wish I learned something from 127 Hours...... But I don't really live by that rule.

Say if you go out with your "gal pals" it's like
1. They take forever to get ready
2. They look better than you
3. They never come on time (yes this is an issue for me because I'm a VERY PUNCTUAL person)
4. They like to take their sweet sweet time. (I'm a type of person who likes to be every precise and efficient)

Now say you want to go hang out with your "guy" friends
1. They're hungry all the time
2. They won't go shopping with you
3. You will feel like you are carrying around deadweight

So neither situations are really win-win. Therefore leave the exploring to myself. I can work at my own pace and people won't bother me. I DO WHAT I WANT OKAY?

Anyway, I think this is a good enough blog post for today (:
Should I keep up with my tradition by watching BOF this week? Maybe.. IF IM THAT BORED. Who knows. Must photoshop at least ONE thing this week. Read more

People Never Change

There is a saying that

"People Never Change"

I second that quote, because PEOPLE NEVER CHANGE, THEIR MOTIVES DO.




Why? Simple. If you were mean, catty, and manipulative in the past and you changed. Why is that? Was it because you finally realized that no one liked you... And that became your motive. But all in reality, you're still that annoying little bitch inside that just wants to fit in.

I believe that people have distinct personalities already embedded in them and that's how it works. If you're a naturally funny person. YOU WILL FOREVER BE FUNNY NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY. You can't suddenly be UNFUNNY. If you're a kind person, I don't think you can suddenly turn mean OVERNIGHT just for the sheer fact of "JUST CUZ."


No people turn from nice to mean because they were pushed by some factor that made them do so. Maybe being bullied or such. So inside their minds that "revenge must be the best key." And it also became their motive.

Do I know people who have changed? Yes. Not necessarily for the better. Sometimes I think their original self was way better than who they have become. USUALLY people change to "impress" other people or to "fit in." Yeah I don't think they realize that they look like total douchebags/bitches just yet. But I will forever be their friend because I know that deep down that they aren't really like that. Even though they are like that NOW. That phase will pass. I mean we only have so much time left to live, why spend it pretending being someone who you're not? FTS.




So next time if you see someone that has "changed." Nope, they haven't really changed, they just fooled you with their facade of lies.

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Competitive People

So today was a pretty chill day. This semester won't be so bad after all.

I knew a couple people in my math (from last semester). So that was super cool. But there was this other guy in my old high school there too. For some reason he is always super competitive with me.

"What did you get?"

"HAHA you got it wrong."

No offense, competitive people make me super uncomfortable. It's like they are hovering your every move just to wait to see you fall. I mean really? Is it going to make you feel better about yourself if you did something better than me? Seriously. Get over yourself. I guess it's their own little "motivation."

I can say this because my mom used to compare me all the time with my cousin. And in my mind I used to compete with her too. Then both of us realized it was useless and we gave up.

Why did I stop comparing myself? Well primarily because I am me. And my cousin is my cousin. You can compare two apples as much as you want, but in the end it's how they taste. Not how they look. Kinda like humans. You can compare two people for so long... but all that really matters is who they are and how they act. People have different temperaments, different likings, different everything. If you can't understand, then I feel sorry for you.


/end rant of the day/

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Class Class Class!

So today I had 5 HOURS OF CHEMISTRY. HOLY MOLY that was the longest 5 hours of MY LIFE. The professor, god bless his soul... TALKED SO FRIGGIN SLOW. It was like shoot me now please. But I kinda felt bad for him at the same time because apparently there were people who were making fun of him in the back. I hate people like that.

If you're going to think BADLY of someone. Do it in your mind, don't contaminate the world with it. Oh and I also hate people who make stupid snarky comments during class.

HEY PERSON.

1. You are wasting my time

2. You are not cool even if you are trying to be

3. SHUT UP

Oh turned out I didn't really need to "make" any new friends in chem because I saw some of my old high school friends. WOOHOO. I also met some new people too. But for some reason I have this curse where if I'm meeting a new person... Yeah I'll be myself. But obnoxious to the max. It's like I want to impress them or something. Stupid flaw. I know I don't NEED to impress anyone, but I feel like I should.

I will work on that.

Oh and I also "reconnected" with an old elementary buddy. One part I hate about going to this college is that I bump into people I know in elementary all the time. It just reminds me of what a bad kid I was. But I guess there are some other people from elementary that I can still talk to. (They don't hate me as much.) Like last semester it was the girl... and now this semester is a guy who knows the girl. GAH.

BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

I will take this with every bit of poise and grace. Because that is what good people do. I want to be a good person now. KTHX. Read more