So many feelings...

I don't even know where to begin...

I guess I kind of went on a not-really a date yesterday? I mean we did visit the Griffith Observatory and like it was sort of romantic with couples all around us. I'm pretty sure he tried to make a couple moves the whole night & offered to pay for dinner. 

But the thing is...

It's not him, it's ME.

I mean I know it's a common phrase and everything, but really it is! He's a nice guy and I'm sure he did everything right. It's just that, I don't go for nice guys. Which really is my problem. I know the person is up to know good and we're bad for each other but it's like the hope that one day things change that keeps me going. Is it weird? Maybe.

Also, I guess I AM kind of leading him on? But attention is nice... for a change. It's weird because he accepts me... as me? Like the whole package. Weirdness and all. And I know I'm odd at times and it puts off a lot of people. But it doesn't seem to scare him off. He sees it as unique and interesting. 

Now I know how CHAIR (Chuck and Blair) shippers feel.

I'm a firm DAIR (Dan and Blair) shipper because THAT'S how a girl is SUPPOSED to be treated. He is SUPPOSED to be head over heels for her, have everything in common, and do everything to get her back. He also accepts who she is as a person, and doesn't try to change her or bring out the worst in her. He challenges her intellectually. He does not take her for granted because he knows she will always be there waiting for him. Yeah I'm hypocrite. I want a Chuck archetype in my life & won't settle for a Dan. I understand everything now.

Yeah, I really need to get a move on with my research stuff. It's like I don't know what to do... too scared. 

Read more

Thoughts, Thoughts, Thoughts

I don't even know what to say or how to start this. So I guess I'll respond to my previous blog post. 

Dear past Linda,

Hey girl, thanks for the words of encouragement! I really didn't think I could really get through those moments. I don't think you will ever get rid of that anxiety, it's just who you are. You got into 4/5 colleges you applied to! Good job! And now you're at one of the most prestigious schools in America. So the future isn't all that bad.. except I'm "supposed" to be studying for finals right now. But we both know that we are major procrastinators. 

I'm sorry to say that you're still helping people that don't really need help. But this time it's different, those people are actually helping you back. So I guess it's a fair trade. You're just not as annoyed much by it as before.

Also, sorry again for telling you that I have once again let you down. I did go to like one "party" it was more of a hangout than an actual party. No, you did not get drunk. But to according to other people you got "buzzed," which I would like to concur. I don't think it was that much fun anyways, more for people to socialize. You are awesome.

I wish I still had your confidence in school. I feel like I'm losing it day by day... which it could be because I'm in a super smart school now.  O_O You were so sure of yourself and what you wanted to be and do. And now? I'm not so sure. 

I guess I'll end this by saying thanks.... you made me who I am today.

Read more

A letter to my Future self.

I know I don't update this blog for anything.... But I had an epiphany over my spring break and well... I just had to get it off my chest somehow. And this was the only place I honestly felt "safe?"

So here it goes... This is a letter to my future self!

Dear future Linda,

First of all, I know you're going to be all right. But I can't quite shake the feeling of anxiety right now. But college stuff will all work out in the future... right?

Second of all, don't ever let yourself be used anymore. One of the good things about you is that you are smart. That in itself already impresses the hell out of people. You don't need to actually prove it to them by helping them. They are just using you silly. Help true friends. I know this might be a little hard to distinguish who your true friend is. But honestly, if you have to question it, they probably aren't your friend :p. 

Lastly, you are so lucky to be alive. Don't ever waste it. That means, don't go partying or drink to oblivion. Do you know how many chances there are in life? I know you've always wanted to try it... but it's not worth it! Resist the temptation! Stay pure! Stay awesome!

Most importantly, stay fckin classy Linda Tran. Godspeed.

Read more

Sometimes I Don't Understand People ...

I don't understand people sometimes...

Like you do something douchebag-like. And you don't think I KNOW? Oh trust me, I KNOW. But I'm just nice enough not to call you out on it.

If it's something I hate, I HATE sketchy people. Got something to say? Say it to my face. I'm a big girl, I can handle it. Nothing gets passed me. I see everything. Don't be super sly like you so fly. Because you're only digging a bigger whole for yourself as a stupidass. Okay fine. You want to protect my feelings. How old am I? I don't care if you make me a little butthurt. Quite frankly, I'm even more thrilled and happy that you would tell me something. Be up front about it. I'm honest to the world for a reason.

Lies. LIES. ALL LIES. This is why I don't trust people anymore. This is why I choose not to have close friends anymore. People lie too much. Not even for good reasons. People need to drink a cup of tea and calm the heck down.

Important Note to Self: Disappointing people will continue to disappoint. Read more

Woah March Already?

February went by so fast. Almost a blur really. Can't wait until Spring Break. (Which I will probably waste away anyways...) It's almost spring and it's STILL COLD. Not that I'm complaining.. JUSSS sayin. Global warming is after us!

On another note, I don't know why every Monday or Tuesday I have a habit of asking people "how their weekend was."
You know I only say that as a conversation starter. Ice breaker type of stuff.
But when they ask ME how my weekend was I always answer with a "I don't remember..."

Honestly because my weekend is too boring to even mention. And the fact that all I'm doing is wasting time watching movies/playing games and such. 

Same goes for the question, "Anything new?"
WELL IF THERE WERE SOMETHING NEW I'D TELL YOU IMMEDIATELY WOULDN'T I? (well if I talk to you on a daily basis then yes) But if I DON'T... What do you expect me to say? Pour out my life story in a couple of sentences? I used to be the entertainer. Now I just don't give a crap if i entertain you or not. YOU have to entertain me or I have to legitly care about you. I'm not here for your amusement. If you think I'm like that then I'm sorry go find someone else to waste their time not mine. If I wanted my time to be wasted talking to you. I WILL TALK TO YOU.  Read more

WIth Poise, With Grace

So when I was reading the my book City of Bones a while ago, I came across this page:

 At first I was like SQUEEEGEEHEHEHEHEEH! IT'S IN LATIN I KNOW IT I TRANSLATED IT! SQUEEEHEHEHEHEHE.

And then I started thinking about all the good times in Latin class with my friends. Honestly, those are the memories I will forever remember. But I think I got a LOT more than learning Latin in that class. It gave me friendship, courage, and a bit of passion.

Regret is something I don't really will ever feel. Because if I do something it was my fault anyways. Learn from it and move on.

Even if someone pisses you off to a point where you wanna punch their face... well... Just keep your head held high and move on with poise and grace. Because in the end. YOU WIN. Read more

People Never Change

There is a saying that

"People Never Change"

I second that quote, because PEOPLE NEVER CHANGE, THEIR MOTIVES DO.




Why? Simple. If you were mean, catty, and manipulative in the past and you changed. Why is that? Was it because you finally realized that no one liked you... And that became your motive. But all in reality, you're still that annoying little bitch inside that just wants to fit in.

I believe that people have distinct personalities already embedded in them and that's how it works. If you're a naturally funny person. YOU WILL FOREVER BE FUNNY NO MATTER HOW HARD YOU TRY. You can't suddenly be UNFUNNY. If you're a kind person, I don't think you can suddenly turn mean OVERNIGHT just for the sheer fact of "JUST CUZ."


No people turn from nice to mean because they were pushed by some factor that made them do so. Maybe being bullied or such. So inside their minds that "revenge must be the best key." And it also became their motive.

Do I know people who have changed? Yes. Not necessarily for the better. Sometimes I think their original self was way better than who they have become. USUALLY people change to "impress" other people or to "fit in." Yeah I don't think they realize that they look like total douchebags/bitches just yet. But I will forever be their friend because I know that deep down that they aren't really like that. Even though they are like that NOW. That phase will pass. I mean we only have so much time left to live, why spend it pretending being someone who you're not? FTS.




So next time if you see someone that has "changed." Nope, they haven't really changed, they just fooled you with their facade of lies.

Read more

Competitive People

So today was a pretty chill day. This semester won't be so bad after all.

I knew a couple people in my math (from last semester). So that was super cool. But there was this other guy in my old high school there too. For some reason he is always super competitive with me.

"What did you get?"

"HAHA you got it wrong."

No offense, competitive people make me super uncomfortable. It's like they are hovering your every move just to wait to see you fall. I mean really? Is it going to make you feel better about yourself if you did something better than me? Seriously. Get over yourself. I guess it's their own little "motivation."

I can say this because my mom used to compare me all the time with my cousin. And in my mind I used to compete with her too. Then both of us realized it was useless and we gave up.

Why did I stop comparing myself? Well primarily because I am me. And my cousin is my cousin. You can compare two apples as much as you want, but in the end it's how they taste. Not how they look. Kinda like humans. You can compare two people for so long... but all that really matters is who they are and how they act. People have different temperaments, different likings, different everything. If you can't understand, then I feel sorry for you.


/end rant of the day/

Read more

HAPPY 2011! MY NEW YEARS RESOLUTIONS!

First post of the year!

YAY! I'm glad to say that 2010 is over. Honestly it wasn't the greatest year. But I'm glad that I went through with it. Here's to 2011! And with that in mind, I have decided to make some "realistic" New Years Resolutions. I will check how many I've completed / attempted near the end of June.

So here they are:

1. I will update this blog more.
When I mean MORE, it's not really "daily" blog posts. But more on the lines of "more frequently." I think this will be an easy thing to do.

2. Stay off Facebook
I'm doing good so far. 3 Months "facebook free." But of course I sometimes have to sign on Facebook for random weird stuff. And I eventually deactivate it again. I must maintain my willpower.

3. Meet new people, Make new friends
The end of 2010 was an "antisocial" phase for me. It was really a chance for me to find out who I was and how to make MYSELF happy. Before I make someone else happy. I learned the hard way that even if you try your hardest to make OTHER people happy, (and you think that it would make you happy if you make other people happy right?) you will not be happy. I have learned to come to terms with myself and now I am ready to make friends again. (sort of?)

4. Be healthy
I'm sucha foodie and a sloth. I always eat and never exersise. Let's change that!

5. Learn more and Read more
I wanna know everything. Books, fashion, games, poltics, technology, celebrity gossip... EVERYTHING! I think I can accomplish this by reading more books/magazines/websites and such. I hope I have time. I guess my reasoning for this is that I wanna be able to go up to ANYONE and start a random conversation with them with my supermind. I guess most of the stuff I will know will never come in handy, but hey! At least if I am ever on Jeopardy, I'll be the best!

6. Be the best version of myself that I can be
I can accomplish this by holding less grudges. Helping other people; whether they are the less fortunate, or even my friends (if they TRULY need it that is!). Most importantly, be a better person. I want to find that spark that I once had (or maybe it's still in me that I never knew). But there was a spark in me once. I was fearless, bold, crazy, and full of love. Over the years, I guess it kinda died for a bit because I was overwhelmed by stress and bitterness. I am so blessed to be alive and with my loving family and friends. There are so many other people less fortunate than us in the world that I want to help. We never really think of these things on a daily basis of how lucky we are to be where we are today. When you eat a full meal, you never stop to think about the family who is starving halfway across the country. There are even kids who die from cancer everyday. You really have to take a moment and realize we are the lucky ones. We travel, we shop, we eat, we play, we learn. Simple things we take for granted that others would DIE to have. Sure there are times that you may complain, but in the end you will miss it once it is gone.

True, all the problems in the world can't be solved. But if you help one person, you could potentially save THEIR world. And isn't making an impact in at least ONE person's life good enough?

Selfish Selfish Selfish. We can't be selfish anymore. I can't be selfish anymore. Be the better person.





This new years resolution list officially became a rant. Stupid me. Maybe next post I'll do better.
Read more

STOP ASKING ME THAT STUPID QUESTION!

Seriously people? SERIOUSLY PEOPLE?
Stop asking me "HOW MY LIFE IS GOING?" Because
A) It's really annoying
B) I can only say, "Oh nothing is going on really. HBU?" For SO FREAKING LONG.

YOU WANNA KNOW HOW MY LIFE IS GOING? HERE:


I SLEEP


I PLAY


I READ

I EAT


Are you happy? Did you really want me to say that?
Honestly, I hate being online on AIM because people always IM because they are bored. Not because they want to talk to me or anything. Talk to me because I'm important to you, not because I will keep you entertained. I'm invisible because I want people to go to that buddy list over there and type in my SN even if it takes THAT MUCH TIME AND EFFORT. That just means something to me.

Also. Don't talk to me every 1 week, 2 weeks, or a month. Because that just annoys the hell out of me.

CUPCAKE THEORY: You eat a cupcake (or a couple if you're like me) and then you're over that cupcake. Then a month passes and one day you see someone else eat that cupcake, then YOU'RE CRAVING it again. THEN you buy another cupcake and the cycle goes on.

I don't want to be someone's damn cupcake.


PS: I won't really call you people out on anything. Because I'm not like that. Just so you know these are my thoughts. (I'm trying to be something called a better person now)

-end rant- Read more